Kotakuite!

Oh, hello.

Didnt hear you come in. Please, take a seat.

Did you know that when you consume 7 bottles of beer after 2 AM, that the next morning you will have full body aches like a motherfucker?

Yeah, neither did I. So, here is a podcast that we recorded at about 3 AM. This only further cements the notion that our forefathers laid down back when this country was in it's infant state: Nothing good ever happens after 2 AM.

Also, if you guys ever find yourselves in White Center, WA, and have a hankering for something new, stop by Proletariat Pizza on 16th Avenue, and order the Ham and Egg. Nice, large cuts of Proscuitto and 4 whole eggs cracked on top of the pizza and then baked sunny-side up. I was skeptical when my buddy ordered it, but I can now honestly say that it is the best pie I have ever had. The atmosphere is great, they have Donkey Kong (!!!), and several nice beer choices on tap. Oh, and WiFi.

Enjoy this filler podcast!

Listen Now:

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Oookay Kotakuites, it would seem that due to scheduling conflicts (Frank had a raid), and some technical errors (My computer fucking sucks), Episode 2 wont be out this week. Hell, probably not even this weekend.

In the meantime, may I please direct your attention to the following information:

Those of you who are going to PAX East, and, lets face it, you lucky sons-of-bitches can die for all I care (Im too poor to afford a plane ticket or a 3 day pass), should keep an eye out for a man (Or lady) with an inflatable shark. Y'see kids, and this is where I get a bit hazy on the details, but basically you can donate money to do cool shit with the shark (Within reason, all you people with aquatic zoo-fetishes), and every cent goes toward Penny-Arcade's Child's Play charity. That's right, every freaking cent. So, you wanna do something cool? Wanna contribute to the biggest slap in the face to nay-saying politicians, soccer moms, lawyers, and Bible bangers the country over? Then find the shark.

Thats it for today's update.

As always, stay tuned, I promise we will have new content up as soon as we get this shit figured out. I am a man of my word. (For the most part)

You stay classy, Kotakuites.

-Bryant K.

Some news for the listeners: In the coming months we will be moving off this cesspit of a website to host our own server. Do not fear, the URL will be the same as it used to be. Some of you may be asking "Bryant, why isnt that old URL working? Why does it redirect to the Dynamic Works Productions website?"

Well, faithful listener, the story is long and arduous, but for the TL;DR:

Tim is a noob.      XD

Tomorrow, Frank and I will be giving a shot at a real podcast. I will be talking about Bioshock 2, while Frank... Well, IDK what he'll be talking about. Possibly boobies. Possibly.

So, sit back, subscribe, and make sure to follow @Kotakuite on Twitter for the latest updates.

Bryant K., signing off.

Thank you to the 51 people who have listened so far. Im pretty sure half of the hits were myself, just to check that everything is in working order, but thanks anyway!

A minor correction to the end of Episode 1: The disclaimer regarding the use of MC Frontalot's single "Your Friend Wil" off his upcoming Zero Day album, and the reference made to Creative Commons licensing, was false; My information regarding Frontalot's usage of Creative Commons was off, it would seem I got him mixed up with Jonathan Coulton.

Which scared the shit out of me when a friend of mine, whose a logical thinker, brought up the issue of us and potentially Kotaku being sued for licensing violation. However, a quick email to Frontalot himself brought sweet relief and a moment of rapture the next day, when, sitting in my email inbox there was none other an email from The Man Himself, saying that it's cool. Id copy/paste it here, but that'd be just tacky.

We're making some progress here at Kotakuite in the few short days since re-launching. Im teaching myself some slightly-higher-than-basic skills in Garage Band editing, as well as working on some original artwork for the album cover/banner/logo to run by Tim and Frank, and Im even personally whoring myself out to my own friends, looking for cheapo mics so I can get rid of that annoying background buzz coming from the Macbook's cooling fan. Kids, this is the exact reason why you should stay in school. Because being poor and resorting to bumming money/parts/labor/food/alcohol/lodging/rides from your friends is not only friendship poison, but its also kind of annoying, saying nothing of how much of a dick move it is.

Thanks for listening! And remember: Subscribe, so you know exactly when we release new content! Also, not sure if you saw the side panel over there, but we're also on Twitter. Follow @kotakuite, and see when we have site updates. I promise Ill try to stay on top of that.

Later Kotakuites. Over and out.

Welcome to episode 1 of Kotakuite's 2.0 series!

Bryant K. will be guiding you through the proverbial rabbit hole of awesome that are the Heavy Rain and Bad Company 2 demos on the PSN.

Some notes:

Yes, HR DOES take place in Seattle.

No, you do NOT need to watch Twilight to understand the joke. Its OK, I was worried too.

The music you hear throughout is from MC Frontalot's new Zero Day Album, entitled "Your Friend Wil". Yes, its about Wil Wheaton.

TimT may or may not be joining us for future episodes. As it stands, Bryant K. is being trained as his Padawan. Pray for his condemned soul.

Frank has still yet to comment on whether or not he's gonna be having any role in future episode. An update will be provided as soon as one is available.

Also, yes, Im aware of the background static. Im new to Garage Band, so leave me alone.

Listen Now:

 Enhanced Podcast: Download | Embeddable Player | Hits (93)

Fucking finally!

Its been toooo long, Kotakuites.

We had promised to come back before PAX '09, but its funny how life is able to throw such mean little curveballs atchya. Curveballs in the form of legal issues for Bryant K. ("I didnt know she was a cop!"), family/social/economic issues for TimT (He's leaving for a few months anyway), and Frank wanting to do Wizard's Rule (Eh.).

By now you're wondering, who is this Bryant you speak of?

Well, me! I am a 21 year old bachelor of sound mind and indestructible liver, with a love of anything videogame-, computer-, anime-, or Jaegermeister-flavored. Particualry Jaeger. Shit's like flammable candy.

But, fellow Kotakuites, Im taking it from here. Tim wants to do his own thing for a while. Have no fear, though, and all 3 of you fans of his manly voice calm yourselves, because he may be coming back at a later date. But, for the time being, Frank and I will be doing it. Unfortunately, due to distance constraints (That is, IM on the west coast, HE'S on the east...), we wont be doing any "Live From" episodes, like we had done at PAX in previous episodes. However, him and his rag-tag gang of swashbuclers will be storming the beaches of PAX: East this March, so keep an eye, and an ear out for him.

Meanwhile, before I pack up my team and take them to Seattle for PAX Prime, I will be, to the best of my abilities, reviewing new games, talking about upcoming and announced games, and inserting a few "giggities" and "yo momma" jokes for good measure.

So sit back, take a load off, and prepare for the stupidest podcast youll listen to all week. Welcome, to the world of Kotakuite!